Time….a very small word with huge implications on our lives. How many times have we wished for more time, to be able to go back in time, hoped for time to pass quickly? Our lives seem to be focused on this small four letter word, and unfortunately we seem to get so wrapped up in “time” that the wonders of our lives pass us by.
I have made a deal with myself for 2013, to not dwell on time, but instead to enjoy the time we are given, for it is not an infinite amount, and there is no date circled on the calendar as to when our time will end.
From the moment we are born, time becomes a central theme in our lives. When we are children we wish for time to pass, as adults, we wish to recapture time, or to slow it down. Unfortunately once a moment has passed, we can never recapture that particular moment, no matter how hard we try and recreate it….it was a snapshot of time, one never to be had again.
When reflecting on my life to date, I often find myself wishing I could go back in time; perhaps to amend a wrong, engulf myself in a moment, or to just simply enjoy a moment in time more than I had. I have celebrated 42 years on this planet, but am now reflecting on how I have lived my “time” that I have been granted thus far. We always assume that :time is on our side,” but after a conversation with a dear friend (she inspired this blog) the other day, I realized that “time” is not a given, we never know when our “time” will be over.
Being a military wife, I always wish for more “time” with my husband. During our almost 13 years together, our “time” together has been short. For many, many, many years, I felt cheated on our “time” together, the “time” that was being stolen from our children…… I felt, there was always someone or something that needed my husband’s time, more than I did. Juggling time in a military marriage is a job like no other, “time” is not your friend….or so I thought. I recently learned to flip that coin, and realize how extremely lucky we are, that our soldier has returned from war (on multiple occassions), and we have been granted more “time”. Time in our lives now, is not based on the quantity, but quality of our “time” together. As any military spouse knows, our “time” in any calendar year can be quite limited, so what are we doing with the time that we are given? Do we worry about the future, “time” we cannot control, or live in the present, and take in every moment of our “time” together?
I look back on my mother’s life, within a year, her candle was blown out. I prayed for more “time”, I craved more time. Just one more day to say everything that needed to be said. I have carried with me, great anger and resentment over how such a wonderful life could be taken so flippantly…..there was so much more “time” that needed to be lived……grandchildren who only have vague memories of Grandma, a husband and daughter left behind, trying to make sense of why “time” came to an end. I was angry too, because I felt I never truly enjoyed or realized how blessed I was for the “time” I was afforded with my mother. I am beginning to learn, that It is not ours to question the “time” of others, but to absolutely engulf ourselves in the time we have with them. To learn, to love, to laugh, and to pass on the lessons learned from another’s “time.”
We often let people fall out of our lives, for a variety of reasons, never thinking, that we will never communicate with them again….we have plenty of “time” don’t we? We can hold off until tomorrow, when our lives aren’t so busy. What difference does 24 hours make? We can justify “time” in our minds so easily, that years will pass like a day. Time lost, never to be recaptured. Often it is ego that gets in the way of our “time”. We are creatures that tend to hold onto things for too much “time”, while losing out on life in the process. We carry with us baggage from teen/early adult years, that in retrospect affects our “time” in adulthood.
During my conversation, with my dear friend (with whom I had not spoken for 5 years), I found out that a one of my closest friends had passed three years earlier. How did I not know about this I asked myself???? TIME!!! I had been so wrapped up in ego, that I never took the time to reach out an olive branch, and let both of my dear friends know how much they meant to me…..now “time” has passed, and I will never be able to go back in time and amend that moment. Time lost. How many times in our lives has “time” been lost? How many moments are passed over because we just don’t have the time or assume we have an abundant supply of it.
In these early days of 2013, I have learned more about “time”, then I did in my previous 41 years. Time is something we can not replace once it is lost. Time passes with great speed whether we want it to or not. Time, is our life, captured in small snapshots along our path our journey.
This year, I refuse to let time pass, without taking every moment in, making amends where needed, and basking in the joy that I have been granted…..for it is a gift, how we choose to use that gift is up to us. I choose to share this gift with my family….my gift to them is my “time”. Time, It has no monetary value, doesn’t come wrapped up in a bow, but to me, this is the greatest gift I can give.
Best wishes for 2013……remember to take “time” to smell the roses, for before you know it, they will be blanketed in a cover of snow….the time has passed and a moment in time lost forever.